No news is good news...

I've had a great couple of weeks. Nothing major to write about, which is sometimes a good thing. Works been killing me, but not to the point where it's zapping the life out of me. I've really been trying to live in the here and now lately and it's helped me tremendously. I've really been enjoying my wife, kids, friends, church. I am truly a blessed person. God's helping me to recognize and accept being blessed, being loved. I'm not there yet, but things are heading in the right direction.

Today I did do something pretty cool. I put new brakes and a rotor on my car. My neighbor Mike helped, but I'm so proud of myself for accomplishing it. Not to mention all the money I saved.

Boy am I worn out...Boy am I old

It seems like just yesterday I was a teenager. I was in my prime, cut, ripped, not an ounce of fat on me. I could run and jump all day and never wear out and wake up the next day and not be a bit soar or tired. I remember wearing out old men in there thirties on the basketball court with big bellies and hairy chest that sweated like pigs. Oh how the times have changed. Now I'm the big bellied, hairy chest, sweating like crazy old guy.

And was painfully reminded that fact tonight when I played basketball for two hours. Boy am I worn out. Boy am I old. Just a side note [I did play pretty good for an old guy]. But I'm sure I'm going to pay for it in the morning and the morning after that and the morning after that. I had a great time though and I guess it was worth it. Well I'll know if it was worth it tomorrow.

A funny thing happened tonight. In our church sponsored, open gym basketball we had an astonishing 25+ people show up. My guess is that about 70% don't know Jesus. You would think I would have been happy and overjoyed at the opportunity to let my light shine to all these people. But sad to say my first thought was, "darn I'm not going to be able to play much Ball tonight." How selfish is that? How unlike Jesus is that? Fortunately God checked my attitude and I was able to enjoy the night and show God's love to people. At least that was my intention. I hope it came through between all the knocking people down, slapping there hands and arms, and pushing and shoving them all night. At least I did it with a smile and always an apology when necessary.

Well that's it for tonight I'm hurting and need to go lay down.

Thoughts/Quotes from the week

Just wanted to post some of the quotes and random thoughts from this week on a few things I've done and read.

First, I began reading A.W. Tozer's pursuit of God and I must say it's been suprisingly good. The first quote I ran accross was this.

"The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

Interestingly enough that same day I read Psalm 130, verse 6 says...

"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

God showed me the picture of the watchman in the darkest night anxiously and fearfully waiting for the approach of dawn to relieve him from his duty. God wants me to want him that bad, as Tozer said he waits to be wanted.

Second - I came accross another Tozer quote...

"Question: What is the chief End of Man? Answer: Man's chief End is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' ...God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we as well as He can in divine communion enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities."

I've never really thought of myself and God as kindred personalities, but it makes sense. God made us in his image and likeness - he breathed his spirit in us and brought us to life. I need to learn to enjoy God and find pleasure in him.

Third - yet another Tozer quote...I thought this was pretty deep

"The cross is rough, and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the Presence of the living God."

If this statement is true, then believing and "reckoning" ones self as dead is to no avail. It is a beginning step in the process, but not the ultimate end. The next step would then be actually dieing. The problemI have (probably most people have) is the process of dieing. My self doesn't die easy in fact it holds onto life, gasping for every breath. My failure is to see self all the way through to death, for some reason I allow it to remain on life support. And because of that at times it rises from it's comatosed state and revives the thoughts and feelings that have long been thought dead. If Tozer is correct there is a great light that awaits at the end of death if death is allowed it's course. That light is the glorious resurection, the new life filled with God's power and accompanied by his personal presence. Death is the doorway that leads to unbridled communion and fellowship with the living God. My only question is...Is killing self possible in this lifetime? Will we reach that point when our self is dead and we can sigh and say, "Ah I am finally living the Christ-like life? Paul said, "I die daily" was he speaking of a complete death or was he speaking of a process whereby more and more of his self dies everyday?

Lastly - I had a great time at church day my pastor spoke about Jesus coming among us, including himself in our life in our dilema, in our exile and taking the lead in our journey back to becoming God's people. Wonderful time at church as always.

I also am excited about a couple of books I've got coming. I've orderd Blue like Jazz, by Donald Miller, Following Jesus, by N.T. Wright, and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I'm sure there'll be more to come on these.

Anniversary...Faith and Trust

Well to me me this has been a great week. My wife and I celebrated our 11th anniversary yesterday. We didn't do anything big, but we had a great time. We went out and had dinner and just hung out together for a couple hours without the kids. It's times like that I realize why I love my wife so much. I feel comfortable and natural around her. I can be myself and not have to worry about how she perceives me. I know she loves me and accepts me as I am. Maybe there's a tie in here to my last post.

If I can feel that way in my relationship with my wife why is it hard to feel that way in my relationship with God. Why can't we just hangout, and why can't I feel comfortable and natural around him. I think that's the way God wants it, I think that's the way our relationship should be.

I just began reading a book by Brennan Manning called "Ruthless Trust" and the first chapter hit me square between the eyes. He talked about our relationship with God moving beyond faith and into trust. To me the difference between faith and trust is same difference between belief and action. James said something similar like, "faith without works [action] is dead".

It takes a lot of courage to fall in love, get married, have children, the whole nine...but after 11 years I can say I'm glad I trusted myself and my wife and made the decisions we've made. It takes even more courage to trust in God and his promises and to begin to act on them. I'm hoping this year that in my relationship with God I can begin to experience the same rewards I've been able to experience with the relationship with my wife. I'm hoping this year I can trust God a whole lot more then I have in the past. In fact I'm trusting him right now that he will make it happen.

Rich

Accepting Love

I've noticed I have a problem accepting things from people. Things like compliments, grattitude, and thanks. For some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can see this same pattern in my relationship with God. Sometimes it's hard accepting God's love. As one person said, accepting our "Belovedness".

I tend to fall into that old performance trap and think people love me because of what I do or how I act. You feel great when you're performing well, but when your performance slips your self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth come crashing down. Let's face it, you can't be perfect all the time. Trying to be perfect will kill you. It will flat wear you out. This has really been a drain on my relationship with God. How can I measure up to God. How can a perfect God love and accept an imperfect person? After all doesn't he want us to be perfect? Isn't that the aim of christianity. Becoming perfect like Jesus? That's the faith I've tried to practice for a long time, but that faith has failed me.

I'm trying to reconnect to "Being loved by God". How does that work? Tonight I read Exod 19:5,6 where God says, "out of all peoples you'll be my special treasure. The whole Earth is mine to choose from, but you're special"

That's a great place for me to start. I'm God's special treasure. God chose me. I'm special to him. I'm loved by God. His love makes me lovable.

More to come...