A Pilgrim's Way

My new blog

2007-01-12T20:59:00.001-05:00

Check it out and tell me what you think.

I'm pretty sure I'm changing.

http://apilgrimsway.wordpress.com/

Finished Wounded Healer

2007-01-12T13:36:00.001-05:00

I just finished up the Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. I think this is the third or fourth book of his I've read and unfortunately it's probably my least favorite.

As always though, Nouwen still had some great thoughts along the way so it was worth the read. The first chapter was probably the best.

My real interest in the book was his thoughts about how to reach people. Here's what I got out of it anyway.

1. I believe it was the philospher Martin Buber who coined the phrase, "make the personal present". That was one of the first things that came to mind while reading the book. So often in our interactions and conversations we fail to truly listen, understand, and recognize the person with which we're engaged. Instead we're focused on what we're going to say next. We're focused on getting to our agenda our point. We're focused on meeting their need as we see it, which could be very far from the truth. We need to recognize the infinite in each individual (I think that's another Buber phrase). We never truly know everything about someone or their situation. How can we help people if we don't understand them.

2. Our wounds are gifts from God for the healing of others. It really shocked me when Nouwen described our wounds as gifts. Many of us despise our wounds, me being one. We hate the fact that we struggle and fail and are broken in certain aspects of our life. For us it sucks. But for others it can certainly be a gift. Just think of Jesus his brokenness made way for our wholeness. His wounds for our healing, his suffering for our salvation. When we share the experiences caused by our wounds it brings about healing to us as well as others. I don't know what's better, the knowledge of how to get over or through something or rather the relief that someone understands what you're going through. I think the latter. Anyway...I love how God takes what we think are negatives and makes them positives.

Being like Jesus

2007-01-12T12:25:00.001-05:00

When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man/woman can be a Christian. - Henri Nouwen

What the Hell?

2007-01-12T11:24:00.001-05:00

I read an interesting post today about Hell.

Check it out here.

The interesting question to me is how does our concept of hell affect the way we live out our faith?

One quote I love from his blog just to give you a taste.

"Perhaps hell is an experience in this life not to say it doesn’t transcend beyond this. Perhaps it’s a sort of invader, an unwelcome guest in the present which robs us of true life. Perhaps our primary concern should be that we are not robbed of life during life rather than after it’s over."

Considering Changing Blogs

2007-01-12T09:40:00.001-05:00

I've been hearing a lot of good things lately about wordpress blogs so I decided to check it out last night.

I was very impressed. I actually signed up for a blog and started messing around with the different templates and functions of it. On the surface it looks great, quite different from blogger. A little easier, more customization, more flexibility. I need to start using it though before I decide to jump ship so I'm probably going to start double posting on my blogger blog and wordpress blog for a while to see if I really like it.

So for my 2 loyal readers nothing to worry about yet, but in the future change is probably coming. When I get the wordpress blog up and running and to my liking I'll post the link so everyone can check it out.

Thoughts from today...

2007-01-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

I spent another 6 hours in the car today so I had a lot of time to listen to podcasts and think. It's funny how seemingly random events can turn out to have some kind of theme to them. I think God was trying to get my attention about something today.

A couple thoughts that smacked me in the face...

The tragedy with christians is not that they don't care about poor people, but that they don't know any poor people.

If you don't hear the cry of the oppressed, maybe you are a part of the system that's oppressing them.

As I was thinking about the statements above feelings of guilt immediately rose to the surface. I'm not doing enough. I'm part of the problem, not part of the solution. How can I help people I don't know? How can I make a difference? I don't have the time. Don't have the resources. Don't have the know how. Why do we serve? Why do we try to reach people? What's the point?

For me...I'll be honest, I serve mainly because I feel I'm fulfilling my "Christian Obligation" as a follower of Jesus. It's service out of duty and responsibility rather then joy and love.

But I realized something else today. Serving and helping people is just as much about me as it is them. It sounds kind of selffish, but in a twisted way it makes perfect sense to me. When I put myself in a position to serve, when I see the needy, the poor and the oppressed I'm reminded they're out there, they exists. I'm forced to take the blinders off, I'm forced to feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I'm forced to face the ugly realities of our world. And my heart is stirred. Compassion and love flood my soul again and the dulling pain that I've so easily ignored becomes alive and throbs once more, compelling me to change. Change something. Change everything. Change the world. Change myself.

The iphone

2007-01-09T15:10:00.001-05:00

The much rumored and anticipated iphone has finally been unveiled today at the Macworld expo. If you've not seen it check it out it looks pretty awesome!

My only complaint..it's only available through Cingular. I shouldn't be surprised it is from Apple after all.

So what's going to be available to me at Verizon?

PS - appletv looks pretty cool too. I'm sure it works better then my stinking Xbox 360, which I still can't hook up to me PC! Aaahhhhrrrrgggg!!! Blasted Microsoft. I might just become an apple guy yet. They seem to know what they're doing and they seem to make everything right.

Just finished "That Hideous Strength"

2007-01-09T13:08:00.001-05:00

I just finished "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis, the third and final installment of his space trilogy.

I have to say I was very disappointed with this book. I loved the first two, really loved them. They were so rich in imagery and metaphor. The last one was tough to get through, that's why I put it down the first time. I had to force myself to get through this one hoping that at the end there would be a payoff. The ending had some good stuff, but all in all I think it was a disappointment. You know, leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

I'm finishing up with Wounded Healer and can't wait to jump into a couple books I bought over the Holiday. While we were at an outlet mall a book store had a going out of business sale. Hard covers were $2 and paperbacks a $1. I didn't have much time to browse, but I couldn't resist picking up a couple books at such a great deal.

Wounded Healer: Quotes

2007-01-09T12:59:00.001-05:00

"The [person] who can articulate the movements of [their] inner life, who can give names to [their] varied experiences, need no longer be a victim [theirself], but is able slowly and consistently to remove the obstacles that prevent the spirit from entering. [They] are able to create space for Him whose heart is greater then [theirs], whose eyes see more than [theirs], and whose hands can heal more then [theirs]."

"It is not the task of the Christian leader to go around nervously trying to redeem people, to save them at the last minute, to put them on the right track. For we are redeemed once and for all. The Christian leader is called to help others affirm this great news, and to make visible in daily events the fact that behind the dirty curtain of our painful symptoms there is something great to be seen: the face of Him in whose image we are shaped."

God incarnate

2007-01-09T08:46:00.001-05:00

This morning as I drove to work I was listening to todays pray-as-you-go podcast (which I love). It started out with a reminder of God's presence.

This got me thinking about God being ever present in our world around us, but also in us. Which really made me thankful and appreciative that the awesome God of the universe would choose to dwell in me (and you). My mind was swirling around trying to grasp this...which I can't...so I won't even bother you with the questions...but ultimately my mind jumped to thoughts of the incarnation.

God taking on flesh, God becoming man, God living among us, God lowering himself, God serving humanity, And while the thought is not new, it hit me afresh again today.

This is what the indwelling of the spirit is all about. We can get so caught up in all beliefs, doctrines and workings of the spirit that sometimes we miss the most obvious and simplest truth.

God wants to live in us and live through us. We are to become the incarnation to the world. We are to represent God in the flesh, God living among mankind, God breaking bread with the outcasts and sinners, God reaching out, God extending invitations into his kingdom. God serving. God loving. God suffering.

allofmp3 alternative

2007-01-08T14:50:00.001-05:00

For allofmp3.com fans that can no longer purchase music, I think I found a viable alternative mp3ninja.com. Don't know much about it, if anyone does would appreciate the info.

It's our anniversary

2007-01-08T10:24:00.001-05:00

In my younger days I was a huge R-n-B fan. I can't say I listen to R-n-B much these days, but I can faintly remember the lyrics to one of my old favorites by Toni, tony, tone "It's our anniversary".

"Tommorrow will come and girl I can't wait...it's our anniversary"

Well yesterday my wife (Andrea) and I shared our 12th anniversary. It is hard to believe we've been married 12 years, I can still remember getting married just like it was yesterday.

My wife and I went out to dinner last night just the two of us. I spared no expense and took her to Applebee's with a 30$ gift card I got for Christmas. Afterwards we went to Meijer's and picked up a couple groceries for the upcoming week. In the spirit of anniversary, I even went into Meijer's with her instead of waiting in the car. After Meijer's we ran by Wendy's and picked up some Vanilla frosties for us and the kids (who were patiently waiting at home). While we were out, I asked Andrea a very tricky question. I asked her, "What's been the best thing in our marriage?"

It didn't take her long to answer (thank God, or I would have been pretty bummed). She said, "Being known by someone". I had to agree and I can completely relate.

When you realize someone knows you, really knows you, it takes away a lot of fear and anxiety in your relationship. You don't have to worry as much about being misunderstood in what you do or say. You don't have to worry as much about impressing the other person by trying to be someone or something you're not. You can be yourself and that's wonderful, because the other person loves you for being you.

Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give someone the excuse to be lazy and take the other person for granted and no longer work at the relationship, I think it's just the opposite. When you realize your loved and known, you want to work hard, you want to do things and say things that keeps that relationship alive and well.

For some people it's fancy dinners, candlelight evenings for two, a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, etc... And I do get those things occasionally, ok probably not enough. But for Andrea and I it's the little things that matter like cleaning off the table after dinner, emptying the dishwasher, throwing my clothes in the hamper, putting my clothes away, going on power walks through the neighborhood together, buying a card on special occasions and quiet dinners anywhere without the kids.

I've got an awesome wife I know. I'm so lucky we found each other when we did. I'm so glad we know and love each other the way we do. I'm so thankful she loves me and accepts me as I am. The first 12 years have come and gone so fast, they have been great and I expect nothing less from the years to come.

"Tommorrow will come and girl I can't wait...it's our anniversary"

Being with friends

2007-01-06T20:47:00.000-05:00

We had some friends over tonight for diner. Nothing big, just simple dinner and conversation around the dinner table. It was great though. There's something awesome that happens when people get together and share a meal and experiences with each other. I walked away feeling encouraged, uplifted, and energized. What's really interesting though is that our conversation was nothing extraordinary, it was just general stuff about our lives. You know, what we've done where we've been. I think there was just something special, an energy maybe, that was just present while we were together.

You could get all spiritual and say it was because we are all christians and it was the spirit of God in us and all that stuff. And maybe there's some truth to that. But in general, there's just something cool that happens when people get together. I think it's because as humans we were made to be relational.

I like being alone and spending time doing things I like; watching tv, playing xbox, playing on the computer. But when I'm withdrawn into my own private world I'm tired, bored, lifeless. When I'm with friends it's like I come alive, I'm me. I like being around people, being around friends. I need to do it more. I need to make more of an intential effort to be friendlier, be hospitable. I need to spend more time with friends.

Confession...Good for the soul

2007-01-05T14:51:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine put up an awesome post today about confession (Check it out).

Confession is hard isn't it. I'm a very private person and the thought of telling people my sins is pretty scary whether they are big or small.

Growing up in a Pentecostal church I was always fearful that during an altar call as the preacher was going around praying and prophesying and knocking people on the floor he would look at me, know my sins and yell them out in the microphone for the whole world to know. Not that I ever saw that happen, but I just knew God was out to get me and if it happened to anybody it would happen to me.

Many times I wished I was Catholic, just so I could sit in some booth and talk to a stranger and tell him all my darkest secrets and hear him say "You're forgiven". But I was sure he'd say something like say ten "Hail Mary's", do something with the Rosary, etc... and I'd be discovered as a Protestant (oh, no!). So I never went and I continued confessing to God alone and while in my mind I believed and understood I was forgiven. Forgiveness took it's time seeping into my heart.

Recently I started meeting with a friend after hearing several people extol the virtues of confession. We share what's going on in our lives, pray, and confess a little. It's hard, but it's good. For that instant my friend represents God for me. He's understanding, not judgmental. He listens, doesn't lecture. He encourages, doesn't reprimand. He forgives, doesn't punish. And I feel better. Lightening doesn't strike me. The world does not stop. And what I thought was so terrible, really wasn't that bad. What I thought was so big, really seems small.

It's humbling, frightening and awkward, but very good for my soul.

I love the quote from my friends blog...

“A man who confesses his
sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with
himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other
person” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Pray for me that I will have the courage to continue the discipline of confession. Not only to muddle through it, but to embrace it as God's tool to shape this marred vessel into the masterpiece he desires (Psalm 138:8).

And I encourage everyone to do the same.

Politics...

2007-01-04T17:00:00.001-05:00

Today was the first day Democrats took over the House and Senate in 12 years. Here's a little bit of what they said

Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the new Senate majority leader, “With the opening of the 110th Congress and the beginning of new Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, it’s time to start moving America forward,” he said. “Guided by the spirit of bipartisanship, Democrats are ready to take this country in a new direction.”

Nancy Pelosi, newly elected and first ever woman Speaker of the House said this..."“a new direction that is there for all of the people, not just the privileged few,” a direction that “builds and strengthens the middle class.”

Moving forward...new direction...bipartisanship...

Great ideas, but will they deliver? I don't think so. It's not that I have anything against the Democrats or Republicans for that matter. It's just that I've lost all confidence in our political system and I don't think it works any longer. Politics has become all about finger pointing. Politics has become all about causing division and strife. Politics has become us vs. them. We're right and they're wrong and we're not going to give in, we're going to fight for our beliefs. The sad thing is that two or three main beliefs have hijacked our entire political system and it hasn't benefited anyone except the men and women running for office.

I'll save the rant on Conservative Christians and Right Wing Republicans for another day.

I better shut up before I say something stupid...

In the meantime...I hope our country does move forward and does take a new direction. (And I mean so much more then a stance on the war, or Republican vs. Democrat)

Regular days

2007-01-04T13:40:00.001-05:00

Not much has been happening the last couple days that's inspiring me to blog. Just regular stuff going on. It's nice though, the days when life settles a bit for you.

I spent several hours in the car yesterday on a trip for work. I must admit, I love being alone sometimes, especially when you're prepared. I got to listen to several Podcasts I enjoyed. On the way home I listened to worship music. I love singing, worshiping. Even when I'm in the car I'm singing out to the top of my lungs. I wonder what people think when they drive by, see me screaming, face all red, smiling, beaming, glowing. Do they feel God around or has he just invaded my car?

I've been messing around with Firefox 2.0 lately. I got on the 1.0 bandwagon a long time ago, but when IE 7 came out I jumped ship. I'm realizing why I liked Firefox so much again though. One cool thing is that I can now blog from work, through one of the extension add-ons. I'm so happy. I got to see what other add-ons I can get.

Turned in the paperwork for my passport today. We're going on a cruise to the Cayman Islands and Mexico with my friends John and Jamie in the beginning of March. So excited, I can't wait.

Looking forward to more regular days. If anything exciting happens I'll be sure to let you know.

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New Years Expectations

2007-01-02T16:43:00.001-05:00

I've never been one to come up with New Years resolutions. They are easy to make, but not so easy to keep. So instead of come up with a bunch of things I want to do this year, I thought it would be a good idea to come up with some general expectations for the New Year. Things I'd like to see happen.

Personal expectations...

In one word, GROWTH, I'd like to see some growth in my life this year in a few key areas. First, with God. I've not been very disciplined in my spiritual habits the past couple of years and I'd like to develop that area of my life a lot more. To help I've started the Divine hours and I listen to the Pray-as-you-go Podcast as I drive to work. If you haven't tried that, I highly recommend. It's very good at directing your prayer time. I need help in that area.

Second, Growth in my relationships with my family. As my kids are growing older and becoming even more independent I don't want us to grow disconnected. With all of our hobbies, gadgets, and toys it's easy for us all to do our own thing. I also want to focus more on me and my wife's relationship. After 12 years of marriage it's easy to take your mate for granted and not work as hard on your marriage as you used to. So I'm hoping to experience some cool things in our family this year as we intentionally try to love each other in new and different ways.

Third, Growth in my relationships with Friends. This year has been an awesome year for me as far as friends go. God has brought some truly wonderful people in my life that have been a great blessing. The biggest relational hurdle for me has always been the gap between acquaintance and friends. I've had many acquittances throughout my life, but few friends. I think it's because I place friendship on some type of pedestal, like marriage or something like it's sacred. Once you offer it [friendship] you're out there. Really your offering yourself. That's a pretty vulnerable position. Will I be accepted? Will I be loved? Will I be understood? Maybe this year I just need to work on being more open, free, and available with my friendship to people. I'm expecting some good things in this area of my life this year and I look forward to getting to know my friends better and being better known by them.

General expectations/predictions....

That the Lions will continue to stink. They will inevitably blow the overall #2 draft pick and Matt Millen will continue his ineptness as Lions President.

That Loyd Carr will still believe spread offenses and passing the ball on first down is a fad that will eventually be replaced by the wishbone/option offense.

That the Tigers will win the world series, Pistons the NBA finals, and Wings the Stanley Cup.

That Xbox 360 will continue to come out with awesome games. Can't wait for Halo 3, or FIFA 08, or Gears of War 2.

That Phil and Jesse will continue to keep me up past my bedtime playing Xbox. That my wife will continue to yell at me..."Stop yelling...we're trying to go asleep". And that I will continue to go through the work day in a foggy haze because of lack of sleep

That Lost (the t.v. show) will finally start answering some questions and start unfolding the plot just a little.

That Jack Bauer will finally use the bathroom (It's been like 4 days).

That Rosie O'Donnell will be kicked off The View and join Star Jones in a daily radio talk show.

That Ford and GM will go Bankrupt as they cooperatively release a 20 passenger SUV that gets a whopping 10 miles per gallon.

That gas cost will rise drop below $2 a gallon.

The W will finally bring home our troops in Iraq.

That Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran) will win the Nobel Peace Prize.

That Mel Gibson will make another movie all in subtitles that we all love.

That Michael Richards and Chris Rock start a comedy tour together.

That Apple will produce 20 more differing variations of the ipod. The ifrig, itoaster, icouch, itv, iphone, icar, etc...

That Microsoft will try and copy everything Apple does.

That HD DVD will beat out Blue Ray as the new Hi-Def DVD format as people still wait for their PS 3's.

That I will finally figure out how to connect my Xbox 360 to my PC. (Yeah right, that will never happen)

Wounded Healer - Part 5 (The Revolutionary Way)

2007-01-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

I should break this post into two separate sections, but I really want to wrap up chapter 1. So I apologize in advance for the long post. There are some really good quotes though, that I just couldn't pass up. Hope you enjoy.

In addition to the mystic way, Nouwen proposes another way for mankind to transcend his/her broken and fragmented life/world. He calls it the revolutionary way.

To summarize, the revolutionary way is a move from passive fatalism to radical activism. The choice for the individual is no longer his/her world or a better world, but no world or new world.

Here's a quote...

"While in the past scarcity led man to revolt, the present-day revolutionary sees the urgent and immediate needs of his suffering fellow man as part of a much greater apocalyptic scene in which the survival of humanity itself is at stake...The life of this man is not ruled by manipulation and supported by weapons, but is ruled by love and supported by new ways of interpersonal communication."

I think we are beginning to see this type of "Revolution" in our world today. Maybe just a peak....we still have a long ways to go. But it is very interesting when you see the movements like One, Amazing Change, World Vision, etc... Organizations and people dedicated to not only
helping their fellow men & women across the globe, but liberating them from the systems, governments, and powers that oppress them.

Nouwen closes out Chapter one by emphasizing that the Christian way is really a combination of the Mystic and Revolutionary ways of life.

"Every real revolutionary is challenged to be a mystic at heart, and he who walks the mystical way is called to unmask the illusory quality of human society...No mystic can prevent himself from becoming a social critic, since in self-reflection he will discover the roots of a sick society. Similarly, no revolutionary can avoid facing his own human condition, since in the midst of his struggle for a new world he will find that he is also fighting his own reactionary fears and false ambitions."

"For the mystic as well as for the revolutionary, life means breaking through the veil covering our human existence and following the vision that has become manifest to us... For a Christian, Jesus is the man in whom it has indeed become manifest...His appearance in our midst has made it undeniably clear that changing the human heart and changing human society are not separate tasks, but are as interconnected as the two beams of the cross... "

Last quote...

"Jesus was a revolutionary, who did not become an extremist, since he did not offer an ideology, but himself. He was also a mystic, who did not use his intimate relationship with God to avoid the social evils of his time, but shocked his milieu to the point of being executed as a rebel"

Are you a mystic or revolutionary? Do you find that you tend to be
more one or the other easier?

As revolutionary, how hard is it to avoid extremism? Do you offer an ideology or yourself? As mystic, how hard is to avoid withdrawal from the world into the inner sanctum of your soul?

Happy New Year!!!

2007-01-01T21:12:00.000-05:00

Well the new year has begun and I say it's been off to a great start. Had an awesome time with my family last night bringing it in and had a great time watching football and playing foosball with some friends tonight. I'm really excited for what this new year holds. I'm believing this is going to be a breakthrough year for me.

This is the craziest...

2006-12-28T19:50:00.000-05:00

Came accross this while reading "That Hideous Strenght" and thought it was pretty awesome.

Do you place yourself in the obedience, said the Director, in the obedience to Maleldil?

Sir, said Jane, I know nothing of Maleldil. But I place myself in obedience to you.

It is enough for the present, said the Director. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. He is very jealous. He will have you for no one but Himself in the end. But for tonight, it is enough.

This is the craziest business ever I heard of, said Macphee.

I agree with Macphee, God's grace and understanding of us is pretty crazy. I love the thought that God knows the intent of our hearts and basically credits us for more than what we mean or intend.

The Wounded Healer - Part 4 "The Mystical Way"

2006-12-27T21:16:00.000-05:00

At the closing part of Chapter 1 Nouwen now moves into ways people can break out of these "cocoons". Nouwen calls these ways "Experimental Transcendence".

The first way Nouwen describes is the "Mystical Way". The mystical way is the inner way, looking inward through meditation/contemplation/prayer. Searching for the connection to the "Unseen", the "Source of being". Trying to move away from the false realities that surround us and towards what is truly real.

To me it's one word - Centered. He's talking about finding your center. Finding the one thing/place/person that is true and real. Life gets you out of balance and out of whack. Life pulls you in so many directions. Life is filled with so many false realities. We need to be pulled back to the center to be reoriented, refocused, and re-energized.

Upon being centered, Nouwen makes a reference to not being certain about past or future, but certain you have a place in the story. I'm also reminded about a book I read by John Elderidge years ago, I think "Sacred Romance" maybe "Wild at Heart". Elderidge talked about understanding in the Grand Story, we are not the lead actors. Truth be told we play small bit parts. When we focus only on the small dramas that make up our lives we lose focus on the much larger narrative. Realizing this world and everything in it is God's, its all by him, for him, and about him. He's the real star of the show. That's helped me find the center when I get out of whack. That brings me back to reality. Acts 17:28 - for in him we live, and move, and have our being.

Here's a great quote from Nouwen regarding this Mystical Way, once someone has reached the center place and transcended all the junk...

"There he comes to the shocking, but at the same time self-evident insight that prayer is not a pious decoration of life, but the breath of human existence."
Wow! That hit home for me. I've always and even to this day viewed prayer as window dressing for the spiritually mature/elite. It's a place I've always wanted to visit, but never been able to venture. It feels like my passports always being revoked. I know I've heard it before and it's not new but prayer needs to be the "breath of [our] human
existence".

Great song along that lines if you haven't heard it - "Breathing the breath" by Matt Redman

Sorry for the long and wandering post.

Traveling on,

Rich

Amazing Grace (The Movie)

2006-12-27T21:14:00.000-05:00

I stumbled across the info about this movie and now I'm pretty excited about it coming out. The movie is called Amazing Grace and it opens in theaters on 2/23/07 in the UK. I hope it's going to be released in the US. If not I'll have to check it out on DVD. Anyway here's some info on the movie check it out.

http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/

The Movie is "based on the life of antislavery pioneer William Wilberforce..."who, as a Member of Parliament, navigated the world of 18th Century backroom politics to end the slave trade in the British Empire. John Newton, a confidante of Wilberforce who inspires him to pursue a life of service to humanity. William Pitt the Younger, England's youngest ever Prime Minister at the age of 24, who encourages his friend Wilberforce to take up the fight to outlaw slavery and supports him in his struggles in Parliament." "Elected to the House of Commons at the age of 21, and on his way to a successful political career, Wilberforce, over the course of two decades, took on the English establishment and persuaded those in power to end the inhumane trade of slavery."

The site also has some interesting info about "The Amazing Change" campaign, which focuses on abolishing modern slavery. According to the website there are still over 27 million slaves in the world today. Unbelievable!

My Christmas Present

2006-12-26T20:07:00.000-05:00

So I got a new camera for Christmas. It's a Panasonic DMC-FZ7. Now that I have a nice camera I just need to learn how to use it. I'm available for lessons...anybody???

Here are some pics I took with it today.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

2006-12-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

Christmas is over. Can we finally relax? I'm heading back to work tomorrow, now I can finally take a break. (Take a look at this picture - see what Christmas did to me. And yes that is some type of food on my face.)

Pictures of the week

2006-12-22T23:38:00.000-05:00

What God must feel like

2006-12-22T20:04:00.000-05:00

My son and I were travelling in the car today and we had quite the interesting conversation. He has recently come into a large sum of money from a friend of the family ($10) and he is dying to spend it. He had his heart set on buying those $4 xbox games from Burger King. When I refused to allow him to buy the games he became quite upset.

My rational was...Christmas is coming in three days, you don't know what you're getting, wait until after Christmas and you can use your money on whatever you want to by that you still want.

His rational was...I have $10 dollars of my own money, I want to spend it now. In addition he said, "You and mom didn't know I wanted the Burger King games so I know you didn't get them for me".

To which I responded, "Son don't you think your mom and I know you well enough to know what you want without you even asking?" (The truth is we've already bought the game for him... he didn't even have to ask. I wanted to tell him so bad...but he has to wait the payoff on Christmas will be so much better. He'll be so happy, so suprised. He'll have joy and we'll share that joy together.)

Conner: No response...deep thought... "But it's my money and I want it now"

I said, "Son, don't you trust me?"

Conner: "Yes, I trust you...but..."

I said, "If you trust me there's no buts."

Conner: "Yes, I trust you...but..."

I interuppted again

Conner: "Dad you're making me mad"

I said, "You're making me sad, what's worse?"

Conner: Long pause....deep thought...muffled tones.... "being sad"

End of conversation

During my conversation with Conner I had the eeire feeling I've been down this path before. I've heard the same rational, same reasoning except the words were coming out of my mouth directed towards my father.

How many times have I questioned God's goodness? How many times have I wanted things my way, right now and refuse to accept no or wait for an answer? God has tryed to tell me just wait...I've gotter a better plan...and it will cost you much less. He's said, you'll be happy, trust me. I know you better then you think. How many times have I failed to trust him or try to put conditions on my trust? How many times have I ended up frustrated and mad and felt justified, while God was broken hearted and sad. I understand his hurt a little better now. I think he wants to tell me, he wants to spill the beans. But I think he also feels like I did about Conner. One day soon you will experience the joy I have set aside for you and when the right time comes we'll share that joy together.

Long pause...deep thougths...muffled tones...

Sorry Dad for making you sad. Help me to trust you more.

Rich

Christmas Traditions

2006-12-22T20:02:00.000-05:00

I had an interesting conversation with someone at work today about Christmas traditions. We were talking about the process of buying presents for our wives (to which I had nothing to say) and he told me what he and his wife do and I thought it was an awesome idea.

Each year he and his wife decide on a theme to buy presents for each other. For example - This years theme was "Gifts that remind us of when we dated". The gift doesn't have to be big or expensive, but simply something that represents the theme. So each year they get their presents and after the kids have gone to bed on Christmas Eve they open them up together. And remember...

I love stories...especially love stories...and I think the retelling of stories is one of the most important things we can do. We need to remember, we need to be reminded of how we met, how we feel, how we loved and how we've grown. We need to tell and retell the story of our love of each other to our kids, friends, family and even ourselves.

I liked the idea so much I might even talk to my wife about adopting the practice in our home. But the whole thing got me thinking about Christmas traditions. We don't have many Christmas traditions in our family. I'm sure there are some other great ones out there like my friends from work.

Does anyone have any special Christmas traditions they could pass along?

P.S. - Andrea I love you and thanks for putting up with my non-Christmas spirit.

Love,

The Grinch (Rich)

Podcast Anyone?

2006-12-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

I had to leave really early this morning on a long trip for work. I'm not very awake in the morning so I wanted to try and find something that kept my attention and kept me awake. So I downloaded some podcasts and set off.

I've tried listening to podcasts before, but I've never been able to find ones I enjoyed listening to on a regular basis. One of the problems for me is just the complete breakdown of thought and conversation. Don't get me wrong that can be great when you are enjoying who you're listening to. It's like you eavesdropping on a dinner conversation or something. But at other times I get completely annoyed and hit the fast forward arrow.

Today I found a couple of Podcasts I enjoyed.

The RELEVANT Podcast - from RELEVANT magizine/website.

TWIT - This week in Tech. With one of my favorite Tech experts Leo Laporte, Patrick, Kevin formerly of Tech TV Screen Savers. (I loved that show and was so ticked when G4 bought them out)

The Official Lost Podcast - With the executive producers of my favorite show Lost. The latest podcast answered some viewer questions and gave some hints as to what to expect from the show when it returns from hiatus. (BTW - has anyone watched Daybreak? I have completely boycotted that show in return for delaying LOST)

Mars Hill Bible Church (Grand Rapids, MI) - The podcast are generally sermons from the church from my favorite speaker (Other then my own pastor of course) Rob Bell.

Late addition...

Pray-As-You-G0 - This is about a 15 minute guided prayer involving some contemplative music, scripture reading, thoughts and directions about how to pray. Very awesome. Highly recomened especially if prayer time doesn't come easy.

Does anyone else have any Podcasts they enjoy listening to that they would recomend?

Wounded Healer - Chapter 1 part 2

2006-12-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

Still taking my time through chapter one as Nouwen discusses the problems with "Nuclear Man". FYI -I hate the term Nuclear Man. The book was published in the 70's so maybe there was a fixation with Nuclear possibilities (i.e Cold war and everything). Anyway...

In the section searching for a new immortality Nouwen brought up a good point that I had to stop and think on for a while. To summarize he said,

Our sense of immortality is our source of creativity.

What do you think?

Starbuck's on it's way down???

2006-12-20T19:09:00.000-05:00

I'm not a huge coffee fan. In fact I just recently started drinking it. Not because of desire, but more out of necessity. (Way to many late nights playing Xbox). My wife on the other hand loves coffee. In fact she is a coffee snob. She won't drink anything, but Starbuck's. Even worse when I want to drink coffee she makes me drink Folgers. She says my taste buds have not developed enough yet to appreciate the likes of Starbuck's coffee therefore it would be wasted on me. Whenever we're out she's always wanting to stop at Starbuck's and get an iced cappuccino or vanilla latte. I've been in a few of the stores and while I haven't developed an appreciation for the coffee I loved the atmosphere of the store. I loved the idea of people sitting around
reading books, newspapers, surfing the net wirelessly on there laptop. I'm a Starbuck's guy at heart or at least would like to be.

I read an interesting article in Time Magazine today talking about the enormous growth Starbuck's has experienced and expects to continue. Right now Starbuck's has 12,440 locations worldwide. Their goal is 40,000, which is even more then McDonalds. The article goes into the
difficulties of maintaining your values as you grow. Studies show that as companies become more complex growth slows. In fact companies lowest in complexity grew 1.7 times as fast as their competitors.

With Starbuck's adding ovens to make hot food, drive throughs so people don't have to get out of their car, syrup dispensers to decrease waiting time in line, all the other things to meet the customers needs, attract more customers and make more money. Are they losing the very essence of what makes them Starbuck's? If there's no room to sit in the store. If it's not as friendly and welcoming, warm and inviting. If it's frantic and hurried rather then relaxing and take your time. Will people continue to come in droves? Will Starbuck's continue to grow or will it become the very thing it hates? Fast Food, Quick Serve restaurant. Will Starbuck's loose it's appeal and uniqueness that made it Starbuck's?

Is simpler better then complex?

Does it come down to the coffee? or the experience?

Great article to read, if you get a chance check it out.

Rules for My Blog

2006-12-18T19:45:00.000-05:00

Being relatively new to blogging I thought it might be appropriate to lay down some ground rules for what I will and will not do with this blog.

1. I will always try to be real. Transparent is another word that comes to mind. My view of blogs is that they are almost like this digital diary. A place for people to tell about the side of them people rarely see. I enjoy reading peoples inner thoughts and appreciate it when they are honest about how they feel and think. I think it helps us all to learn how other people struggle through life. At least it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. So I will try to share and talk about those "Dark and Twisty" parts of my life that we all try to sweep under the rug. Partly for therapy, partly because I hope it will help people understand me a little better. Because some times I can tend to be aloof and I have a tendancy to keep people at a distance. Either that or it will really freak them out. Will see how that works. I will not however share the Dark and twisty moments of others. While I have no problem sharing my own flaws and foibles I don't think it's fair or right to discuss other people's problems. Let them start their own blog for that.

2. I will try to be interesting. I really stress try, because what I think is interesting others may not. I love topics of faith, theology, church, books, movies, music, culture, and my family. So I will try to mix up the post. A word of caution though...see rule #3

3. I will try to make you think. This means sometimes I'll post stuff I don't agree with. Sometimes I'll post stuff I don't believe. Sometimes I'll post stuff just to tick people off. But that's ok. It's when our beliefs are challenged and we're forced to look at things from the other side that we learn. We gain a better and fuller perspective. So please spare me the comments like, "You're a heretic", "You've gone of the deep end", "What are they teaching you at that @#$@!! church you attend". Open your mind, challenge yourself, question things, don't believe everything you've been spoon fed in Sunday School.

4. I reserve the right to come up with other rules. I just can't think of anymore right now.

The wounded healer - "Historical dislocation"

2006-12-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

I wanted to post some thoughts from the books I'm reading. 1.) So I can remember the meaningful things I've read, 2.) So maybe some interesting discussion will be generated. If you find this interesting let me know.

"The Wounded Healer" by Henri Nouwen - Chapter 1

In chapter 1 of the wounded healer Nouwen paints us a picture of the modern man. Nouwen calls him "Nuclear Man". His definition of the Nuclear Man is someone "that realizes his/her powers hold the potential for self-destruction." He talks about how we have marveled at technology and innovation that has enabled us to produce in one hour, what took people long ago years to create. But our inventions have taken a toll on our world economically, ecologically, etc... Nouwen says "In all this he [nuclear man] suffers from the inevitable knowledge that his time is a time in which it has become possible for man to destroy not only life but also the possibility of re-birth, not only man but also mankind, not only periods of existence but also history itself. For nuclear man the future has become an option."

Armed with this view of life many people develop what Nouwen calls a "Historical dislocation". People no longer connect with the cultural symbols and traditions of family, religion, life in general. Why get married, why focus on a carrier, why invent, why invest in things and institutions that will not last. Only the hear and now holds value.

I love this last quote from Nouwen,

"When we wonder why the language of traditional Christianity has lost its liberating power for nuclear man, we have to realize that most Christian preaching is still based on the presupposition that man sees himself as meaningfully integrated with a history in which God came to us in the past, is living under us in the present, and will come to liberate us in the future. But when man's historical consciousness is broken, the whole message seems like a lecture about the great pioneers to a boy on an acid trip."

Can I relate to Nuclear man? Absolutely! But I still feel this connectedness to past, present, future. Is that because of my faith? or does that and can that develop outside of my faith? Is being connect with history ( symbols, traditions, past, present ,future) an important part of being a Christian?

My weekend

2006-12-17T19:30:00.000-05:00

I had a crazy Saturday. Conner had a Basketball game at 8:00am. We had play rehearsal with the kids at 9:00am in Milan. Haylie had a Basketball game at 11:00am. She did awesome. This is her first year playing and she's getting better each game. (I took pictures of Conner, but none of them turned out)

Then we went to my nephew Thomas' 1 year old birthday party in Flint. Isn't he cute? It was great seeing all my cousins. They all have babies now, so it was fun seeing their kids and catching up. We were only able to stay a couple hourse before we drove all the way back to Belleville were my cousin Lauren had a Christmas play.

I know the picture stinks, but it was the best one I took. The lighting stunk and I HATE my camera. The play was wonderful as usual. Belleville COG always puts on great kids plays and it didn't disappoint. I will be honest and admit I wasn't looking forward to going. I think this is the 3rd time I've been back to visit them since I left over 2 years ago. I don't have anything against the church or people it's just that I feel weird going back. I guess I fear the questions about what I'm doing with my life now. Not that I have any regrets or anything. Actually it's just the opposite. Life is great, I've never been happier and I know I'm where God wants me to be. It's just that I feel in someway my answers will disappoint them and I hate letting people down. The question that haunts me, "Do I live up to the image of the person they have of me in their mind". I know that's so stupid...self-centered...pathetic...broken. I'm sure I'm the only one that thinks that way.

Anyway...the night went well, it wasn't too weird. I talked with everyone I knew, in fact my wife had to drag me out of there. I've moved on (still moving on), they've moved on. It was nice seeing how people and things have changed. Change is definitely good. I appreciate everything they did for me and the time I spent there. I hope they feel the same about me. I think they do.

Sunday was much more laid back. We had a Christmas play at our church which I enjoyed. It was awesome seeing how everyone pulled together and pulled it off. Plays take a lot of hard work. Had an awesome lunch at Los Tres Amigos. Then rested at home all day. I wish I had one more day off, I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow. It's 8:00pm and I'm debating about what to do... play Xbox, watch a movie or go to bed? Don't know what I want to do. I'm going to watch a movie.

Dance or Drill

2006-12-16T07:34:00.000-05:00

I read something In "That Hideous Strength" today that grabbed my
attention. The Director drops bread crumbs on the floor. He then blows
a whistle to which three mice come scampering across the floor. The
mice quickly gobble up the crumbs. The director then blows the whistle
and the mice scurry away. The Director then says to his guest,

"Humans want crumbs removed; mice are anxious to remove them. It ought never to have been a cause of war. But you see that obedience and rule are more like a dance then a drill - specially between man and woman where the roles are always changing"

Is marriage a dance or drill? How about relationship with God? Does a
lot of it have to do with our attitudes toward equality, obedience,
submission, serving?

Last quote,

"No one has ever told you that obedience - humility - is an
erotic necessity"

What I'm reading

2006-12-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

I just picked up two books from the library that I can't wait to dive into. First "That Hideous Strength", by C.S. Lewis. It's the third book in his space trilogy. This is my second attempt at the book. I absolutely loved "Out of the Silent Planet" and "Perelandra", but I tried reading all three in row and halfway through THS I think I was burnt out. So I want to pick up where I left off and finish it.

My Second book is "The Wounded Healer", by Henri Nouwen. I've only read a couple books of his, but each one is short and deep which instantly qualifies him as one of my favorites.

I'm trying to read it slow to allow everything to sink in. Here's a quote from his introduction. The book deals with how to minister to people in our contemporary society.

"After all attempts to articulate the predicament of
modern man, the necissity to articulate the
predicament of the minister himself became
most important. For the minister is called to recognize the sufferings of his time in his own heart and make that
recognition the starting point of his
service. Whether he tries to enter into a dislocated world, relate to a convulsive generation, or speak
to a dying man, his service will not be
perceived as authentic unless it comes from a
heart wounded by the suffering about which he speaks"

Does the suffering taking place in our world wound our hearts or are we unaffected and therefore infective ministers?

Parenthood

2006-12-14T20:15:00.000-05:00

I came across an interesting post today about Jay Bakker, son of Jim and Tammy Faye of PTL fame. I guess he's doing a show on the sundance channel about the church he's pastoring in a downtown Atlanta bar. From all appearances what he's doing is really cool. He's reaching out to the outsiders and marginalized in his community with a message of unconditional love and exceptance.

The post talks a little about the show and the little glimpses within the show of Jay's relationship with his parents. Pretty interesting...not surprising...really sad.

It's amazing how parents can do a number on their kids. Whether your christians or non-christians, Televangelists or satanist (sometimes the lines are blurred). As parents we can seriously damage our kids.

In this season of advent, it makes me appreciate the job Mary and Joseph did raising Jesus. They didn't have an easy job, in fact it probably seemed like the whole world was stacked against them. I imagine Mary and Joseph didn't get much support from family and friends. Not to long after Jesus birth they had to high tail it out of Israel to Egypt. Through all their difficulties they found the way to raise the savior of the world. I'm pretty sure they took their calling to parenthood serious. And I'm glad they did.

I'm glad my parents did too. I am so blessed to have two parents, that through their own difficulties found a way to raise me. They weren't perfect, but I remember more good then bad, more positive then negative. I remember feeling loved and safe. They did an awesome job and I hope that I am doing the same with my kids. I love my kids (Haylie and Conner) more then anything and I hope that as I struggle through life's difficulties they will come out unscathed and that their memories of childhood will be as pleasant as mine and they too can look forward to one day being parents.

God have sex with Mary?

2006-12-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Had an awesome time a small group tonight. We talked about Jesus' birth. I hate to say it, but the story seems almost too familiar. When I hear it, I've lost the awe and wonder that should just blow me away. We talked about some good stuff tonight though.

God intimately involved with humanity, did God have sex with Mary? I don't think so, but the imagery and language alludes to that or at least wants us to think in those terms.

God intrusting himself to mankind, making himself vulnerable as a helpless child.

God contrasting his Kingdom with others like Rome. The "Pax Romana" Roman peace through war and forcible submission. Versus the peace of God brought through love and servanthood.

Great stuff.

Rich

Googling myself

2006-12-12T21:32:00.000-05:00

What if we measured our significance by google results? I was bored at work today and googled my name. The most popular Rich B. was a hockey player. The second most popular was some guy that does voice recordings for the radio. I don't know how the third or fourth was, but the page my name finally came up was my church's website, I was result #125.

I didn't think that was bad until I typed my wife's name in she came in on result #121. My friend Jesse came in on result #3, my friend Phil result #1. Phil had like 20 results for his name. He's pretty significant.

Insignificant Rich

I want to be a blogger...

2006-12-12T21:28:00.000-05:00

Well it's almost been a year since my last post. I honestly thought the site would be gone as I typed in the address. I hoped it would be gone, but it wasn't. It's still here...taunting me as ever.

I want to be a blogger. I want to be like the other bloggers of the world that have important things to say and have people reading their thoughts and leave comments and tell them how smart and funny they are and have great conversation...blah blah blah

But alas, here I sit on my lonely page pounding away at my keyboard.

I will not give up. I will try again. This time with a new strategy. I will tell others of my blog. I will spread the good news of this blog. I will sing the praises of this blog from the highest mountain to the lowest valley. I will comment on other blogs and leave my link. I will do whatever it takes to make my blog, the most successful blog in the universe. My voice will be heard.

Ok - Maybe that's a stretch. But I would like to a least consistently put up some interesting posts and get a few visitors every now and then. So I will attempt to once again start blogging.

To myself (Because I'm the only one who reads this blog) Good luck and Godspeed.

Rich

No news is good news...

2006-01-29T19:55:00.001-05:00

I've had a great couple of weeks. Nothing major to write about, which is sometimes a good thing. Works been killing me, but not to the point where it's zapping the life out of me. I've really been trying to live in the here and now lately and it's helped me tremendously. I've really been enjoying my wife, kids, friends, church. I am truly a blessed person. God's helping me to recognize and accept being blessed, being loved. I'm not there yet, but things are heading in the right direction.

Today I did do something pretty cool. I put new brakes and a rotor on my car. My neighbor Mike helped, but I'm so proud of myself for accomplishing it. Not to mention all the money I saved.

Boy am I worn out...Boy am I old

2006-01-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

It seems like just yesterday I was a teenager. I was in my prime, cut, ripped, not an ounce of fat on me. I could run and jump all day and never wear out and wake up the next day and not be a bit soar or tired. I remember wearing out old men in there thirties on the basketball court with big bellies and hairy chest that sweated like pigs. Oh how the times have changed. Now I'm the big bellied, hairy chest, sweating like crazy old guy.

And was painfully reminded that fact tonight when I played basketball for two hours. Boy am I worn out. Boy am I old. Just a side note [I did play pretty good for an old guy]. But I'm sure I'm going to pay for it in the morning and the morning after that and the morning after that. I had a great time though and I guess it was worth it. Well I'll know if it was worth it tomorrow.

A funny thing happened tonight. In our church sponsored, open gym basketball we had an astonishing 25+ people show up. My guess is that about 70% don't know Jesus. You would think I would have been happy and overjoyed at the opportunity to let my light shine to all these people. But sad to say my first thought was, "darn I'm not going to be able to play much Ball tonight." How selfish is that? How unlike Jesus is that? Fortunately God checked my attitude and I was able to enjoy the night and show God's love to people. At least that was my intention. I hope it came through between all the knocking people down, slapping there hands and arms, and pushing and shoving them all night. At least I did it with a smile and always an apology when necessary.

Well that's it for tonight I'm hurting and need to go lay down.

Thoughts/Quotes from the week

2006-01-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to post some of the quotes and random thoughts from this week on a few things I've done and read.

First, I began reading A.W. Tozer's pursuit of God and I must say it's been suprisingly good. The first quote I ran accross was this.

"The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

Interestingly enough that same day I read Psalm 130, verse 6 says...

"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

God showed me the picture of the watchman in the darkest night anxiously and fearfully waiting for the approach of dawn to relieve him from his duty. God wants me to want him that bad, as Tozer said he waits to be wanted.

Second - I came accross another Tozer quote...

"Question: What is the chief End of Man? Answer: Man's chief End is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' ...God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we as well as He can in divine communion enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities."

I've never really thought of myself and God as kindred personalities, but it makes sense. God made us in his image and likeness - he breathed his spirit in us and brought us to life. I need to learn to enjoy God and find pleasure in him.

Third - yet another Tozer quote...I thought this was pretty deep

"The cross is rough, and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the Presence of the living God."

If this statement is true, then believing and "reckoning" ones self as dead is to no avail. It is a beginning step in the process, but not the ultimate end. The next step would then be actually dieing. The problemI have (probably most people have) is the process of dieing. My self doesn't die easy in fact it holds onto life, gasping for every breath. My failure is to see self all the way through to death, for some reason I allow it to remain on life support. And because of that at times it rises from it's comatosed state and revives the thoughts and feelings that have long been thought dead. If Tozer is correct there is a great light that awaits at the end of death if death is allowed it's course. That light is the glorious resurection, the new life filled with God's power and accompanied by his personal presence. Death is the doorway that leads to unbridled communion and fellowship with the living God. My only question is...Is killing self possible in this lifetime? Will we reach that point when our self is dead and we can sigh and say, "Ah I am finally living the Christ-like life? Paul said, "I die daily" was he speaking of a complete death or was he speaking of a process whereby more and more of his self dies everyday?

Lastly - I had a great time at church day my pastor spoke about Jesus coming among us, including himself in our life in our dilema, in our exile and taking the lead in our journey back to becoming God's people. Wonderful time at church as always.

I also am excited about a couple of books I've got coming. I've orderd Blue like Jazz, by Donald Miller, Following Jesus, by N.T. Wright, and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I'm sure there'll be more to come on these.

Anniversary...Faith and Trust

2006-01-08T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well to me me this has been a great week. My wife and I celebrated our 11th anniversary yesterday. We didn't do anything big, but we had a great time. We went out and had dinner and just hung out together for a couple hours without the kids. It's times like that I realize why I love my wife so much. I feel comfortable and natural around her. I can be myself and not have to worry about how she perceives me. I know she loves me and accepts me as I am. Maybe there's a tie in here to my last post.

If I can feel that way in my relationship with my wife why is it hard to feel that way in my relationship with God. Why can't we just hangout, and why can't I feel comfortable and natural around him. I think that's the way God wants it, I think that's the way our relationship should be.

I just began reading a book by Brennan Manning called "Ruthless Trust" and the first chapter hit me square between the eyes. He talked about our relationship with God moving beyond faith and into trust. To me the difference between faith and trust is same difference between belief and action. James said something similar like, "faith without works [action] is dead".

It takes a lot of courage to fall in love, get married, have children, the whole nine...but after 11 years I can say I'm glad I trusted myself and my wife and made the decisions we've made. It takes even more courage to trust in God and his promises and to begin to act on them. I'm hoping this year that in my relationship with God I can begin to experience the same rewards I've been able to experience with the relationship with my wife. I'm hoping this year I can trust God a whole lot more then I have in the past. In fact I'm trusting him right now that he will make it happen.

Rich

Accepting Love

2006-01-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

I've noticed I have a problem accepting things from people. Things like compliments, grattitude, and thanks. For some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can see this same pattern in my relationship with God. Sometimes it's hard accepting God's love. As one person said, accepting our "Belovedness".

I tend to fall into that old performance trap and think people love me because of what I do or how I act. You feel great when you're performing well, but when your performance slips your self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth come crashing down. Let's face it, you can't be perfect all the time. Trying to be perfect will kill you. It will flat wear you out. This has really been a drain on my relationship with God. How can I measure up to God. How can a perfect God love and accept an imperfect person? After all doesn't he want us to be perfect? Isn't that the aim of christianity. Becoming perfect like Jesus? That's the faith I've tried to practice for a long time, but that faith has failed me.

I'm trying to reconnect to "Being loved by God". How does that work? Tonight I read Exod 19:5,6 where God says, "out of all peoples you'll be my special treasure. The whole Earth is mine to choose from, but you're special"

That's a great place for me to start. I'm God's special treasure. God chose me. I'm special to him. I'm loved by God. His love makes me lovable.

More to come...

Fun Day

2005-06-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

Today was a fun day. I went with a few people from my church to downtown Milan and gave out free pop and water to people. The best thing about it was there was completely no strings attached, which really caught people off guard. It was pretty awesome seeing the expressions on people's faces as you walk towards their cars. They have that, "Oh no, somebody's coming toward us trying to sell us, or get something from us look". They we told them it was completely free they were totally surprised. We just gave the pop and water out. On the drink was a sticker that says, "Because God Loves You", and that's what we told people why we were doing it, if they asked.

Giving without an expectation is completly liberating. The purpose of our day was to give and we gave. If God chooses to do something with our gifts it's in his hands and not ours. People experienced God's love first hand today, and I hope (if they haven't already) they will be spurred on to want more.

Rich

A great quote on "Community"

2005-06-07T22:24:00.000-04:00

I came accross this book today (The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen) at the library that has a lot of great thoughts. One that really grabbed my attention was a great thought about community.

"You have to move gradually from crying outward-
crying out for people who you think can fulfill your
needs - to crying inward to the place where you
can let yourself be held and carried by God, who
has become incarnate in the humanity of those
who love you in community. No one person can
fulfill all your needs. But the community can truly
hold you. The community can let you experience the
fact, beyond your anguish, there are human hands
that hold you and show you God's faithful love."

Cry inward (to God) and open yourself up to the loving, caring hands of Christ. Pray that God's people, his church, his very body will be the hands to hold you up and show you God's faithful love. Be those hands to someone else.

Dealing with disappointment

2005-06-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

What would it be like to live a life without regrets? To lay your head on the pillow at night and not recount the failures and mistakes of the day. We never quite measure up to the life we want to live, the father or husband we want to be. We trudge on, doing or best believing it's good enough. That someone above is looking down on us with grace and mercy understanding our plight. There is a better way to live, a life of no regret and there are days when I stumble into that realm. But that world seems so fanciful and unreal. We are caught between two worlds and being pulled by both. Thus our disappointment, our longing for the better life, but our inability to escape our present course. Which world is real?

Reality is the world in which you choose to live. So I choose to live in that other world. I choose to believe in grace and hope of better day, a better me, and brighter future.

Rich

A 7 year old heckler...

2005-05-24T22:01:00.000-04:00

My son Conner (7 Yrs Old) had a baseball game tonight. Baseball is my favorite sport and I loved playing it, but It's hard for me to watch him play. I get so nervouse everytime he steps to the plate or a balls hit his way. When he strikes out or misses a ball it breaks my heart. Why though?

Partly because I desparetly want him to succeed, to be the best, to look good in the eyes of other people. Partly because of pride, I want to look good as his father. In some sick way his success validates my athletic prowess and wonderful parenting/coaching skills.

He played great tongiht (was 2-4), but something happened outside of the game that made even prouder.

A teammate (A 7 Yr Old Heckler) sat next to conner on the bench and was being very mean to Conner for some reason. It was the usual first grade stuff, calling him names like, "Retart" and "stupid". He even resorted to the "You suck". Standing only two feet behind this brat I wanted to ring his neck at that point. (After all he was insulting my son, my athletic prowess, my genes, and my parenting/coaching skills), but I was able to take a deep breath and let me son handle it.

While his confidence was undoubtley shaken, Conner smiled, joked, and laughed it off ignoring the little pest as best he could. The little twerp would not give up though and persistently baited my son, so when I could take no more I gently stepped in and told the delinquent he was being rude and not very encouraging to his teammate, and to knock it off.

Afterward, Conner and I had a good talk on the way home about it. I asked Conner why he thought the boy acted that way and he said the usual, "I don't know". "He probably just needs some love", I said, trying to reach for one of those teachable moments that rarely come. I then went on to explain how people act out how they're treated. When people are mean, it's probably because someone has been mean to them. When people are kind and show love it's because someone has shown them love. Conner and I both got a great lesson on the golden rule tonight. We both decided we want to live in a world where people love each other, to do so we must show love to other people, even bratty little twerps that get on our nerves and call us names.

Rich