My new blog

Check it out and tell me what you think.

I'm pretty sure I'm changing.

http://apilgrimsway.wordpress.com/

Finished Wounded Healer

I just finished up the Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. I think this is the third or fourth book of his I've read and unfortunately it's probably my least favorite.



As always though, Nouwen still had some great thoughts along the way so it was worth the read. The first chapter was probably the best.



My real interest in the book was his thoughts about how to reach people. Here's what I got out of it anyway.



1. I believe it was the philospher Martin Buber who coined the phrase, "make the personal present". That was one of the first things that came to mind while reading the book. So often in our interactions and conversations we fail to truly listen, understand, and recognize the person with which we're engaged. Instead we're focused on what we're going to say next. We're focused on getting to our agenda our point. We're focused on meeting their need as we see it, which could be very far from the truth. We need to recognize the infinite in each individual (I think that's another Buber phrase). We never truly know everything about someone or their situation. How can we help people if we don't understand them.



2. Our wounds are gifts from God for the healing of others. It really shocked me when Nouwen described our wounds as gifts. Many of us despise our wounds, me being one. We hate the fact that we struggle and fail and are broken in certain aspects of our life. For us it sucks. But for others it can certainly be a gift. Just think of Jesus his brokenness made way for our wholeness. His wounds for our healing, his suffering for our salvation. When we share the experiences caused by our wounds it brings about healing to us as well as others. I don't know what's better, the knowledge of how to get over or through something or rather the relief that someone understands what you're going through. I think the latter. Anyway...I love how God takes what we think are negatives and makes them positives.

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Being like Jesus

When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man/woman can be a Christian. - Henri Nouwen

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What the Hell?

I read an interesting post today about Hell.



Check it out here.



The interesting question to me is how does our concept of hell affect the way we live out our faith?



One quote I love from his blog just to give you a taste.

"Perhaps hell is an experience in this life not to say it doesn’t transcend beyond this. Perhaps it’s a sort of invader, an unwelcome guest in the present which robs us of true life. Perhaps our primary concern should be that we are not robbed of life during life rather than after it’s over."

Considering Changing Blogs

I've been hearing a lot of good things lately about wordpress blogs so I decided to check it out last night.



I was very impressed. I actually signed up for a blog and started messing around with the different templates and functions of it. On the surface it looks great, quite different from blogger. A little easier, more customization, more flexibility. I need to start using it though before I decide to jump ship so I'm probably going to start double posting on my blogger blog and wordpress blog for a while to see if I really like it.



So for my 2 loyal readers nothing to worry about yet, but in the future change is probably coming. When I get the wordpress blog up and running and to my liking I'll post the link so everyone can check it out.

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Thoughts from today...

I spent another 6 hours in the car today so I had a lot of time to listen to podcasts and think. It's funny how seemingly random events can turn out to have some kind of theme to them. I think God was trying to get my attention about something today.

A couple thoughts that smacked me in the face...

The tragedy with christians is not that they don't care about poor people, but that they don't know any poor people.

If you don't hear the cry of the oppressed, maybe you are a part of the system that's oppressing them.

As I was thinking about the statements above feelings of guilt immediately rose to the surface. I'm not doing enough. I'm part of the problem, not part of the solution. How can I help people I don't know? How can I make a difference? I don't have the time. Don't have the resources. Don't have the know how. Why do we serve? Why do we try to reach people? What's the point?

For me...I'll be honest, I serve mainly because I feel I'm fulfilling my "Christian Obligation" as a follower of Jesus. It's service out of duty and responsibility rather then joy and love.

But I realized something else today. Serving and helping people is just as much about me as it is them. It sounds kind of selffish, but in a twisted way it makes perfect sense to me. When I put myself in a position to serve, when I see the needy, the poor and the oppressed I'm reminded they're out there, they exists. I'm forced to take the blinders off, I'm forced to feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I'm forced to face the ugly realities of our world. And my heart is stirred. Compassion and love flood my soul again and the dulling pain that I've so easily ignored becomes alive and throbs once more, compelling me to change. Change something. Change everything. Change the world. Change myself.

The iphone

The much rumored and anticipated iphone has finally been unveiled today at the Macworld expo. If you've not seen it check it out it looks pretty awesome!



My only complaint..it's only available through Cingular. I shouldn't be surprised it is from Apple after all.



So what's going to be available to me at Verizon?



PS - appletv looks pretty cool too. I'm sure it works better then my stinking Xbox 360, which I still can't hook up to me PC! Aaahhhhrrrrgggg!!! Blasted Microsoft. I might just become an apple guy yet. They seem to know what they're doing and they seem to make everything right.

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Just finished "That Hideous Strength"

I just finished "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis, the third and final installment of his space trilogy.



I have to say I was very disappointed with this book. I loved the first two, really loved them. They were so rich in imagery and metaphor. The last one was tough to get through, that's why I put it down the first time. I had to force myself to get through this one hoping that at the end there would be a payoff. The ending had some good stuff, but all in all I think it was a disappointment. You know, leaves a bad taste in your mouth.



I'm finishing up with Wounded Healer and can't wait to jump into a couple books I bought over the Holiday. While we were at an outlet mall a book store had a going out of business sale. Hard covers were $2 and paperbacks a $1. I didn't have much time to browse, but I couldn't resist picking up a couple books at such a great deal.

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Wounded Healer: Quotes

"The [person] who can articulate the movements of [their] inner life, who can give names to [their] varied experiences, need no longer be a victim [theirself], but is able slowly and consistently to remove the obstacles that prevent the spirit from entering. [They] are able to create space for Him whose heart is greater then [theirs], whose eyes see more than [theirs], and whose hands can heal more then [theirs]."

"It is not the task of the Christian leader to go around nervously trying to redeem people, to save them at the last minute, to put them on the right track. For we are redeemed once and for all. The Christian leader is called to help others affirm this great news, and to make visible in daily events the fact that behind the dirty curtain of our painful symptoms there is something great to be seen: the face of Him in whose image we are shaped."

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God incarnate

This morning as I drove to work I was listening to todays pray-as-you-go podcast (which I love). It started out with a reminder of God's presence.



This got me thinking about God being ever present in our world around us, but also in us. Which really made me thankful and appreciative that the awesome God of the universe would choose to dwell in me (and you). My mind was swirling around trying to grasp this...which I can't...so I won't even bother you with the questions...but ultimately my mind jumped to thoughts of the incarnation.



God taking on flesh, God becoming man, God living among us, God lowering himself, God serving humanity, And while the thought is not new, it hit me afresh again today.



This is what the indwelling of the spirit is all about. We can get so caught up in all beliefs, doctrines and workings of the spirit that sometimes we miss the most obvious and simplest truth.



God wants to live in us and live through us. We are to become the incarnation to the world. We are to represent God in the flesh, God living among mankind, God breaking bread with the outcasts and sinners, God reaching out, God extending invitations into his kingdom. God serving. God loving. God suffering.

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allofmp3 alternative

For allofmp3.com fans that can no longer purchase music, I think I found a viable alternative mp3ninja.com. Don't know much about it, if anyone does would appreciate the info.

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It's our anniversary

In my younger days I was a huge R-n-B fan. I can't say I listen to R-n-B much these days, but I can faintly remember the lyrics to one of my old favorites by Toni, tony, tone "It's our anniversary".



"Tommorrow will come and girl I can't wait...it's our anniversary"



Well yesterday my wife (Andrea) and I shared our 12th anniversary. It is hard to believe we've been married 12 years, I can still remember getting married just like it was yesterday.



My wife and I went out to dinner last night just the two of us. I spared no expense and took her to Applebee's with a 30$ gift card I got for Christmas. Afterwards we went to Meijer's and picked up a couple groceries for the upcoming week. In the spirit of anniversary, I even went into Meijer's with her instead of waiting in the car. After Meijer's we ran by Wendy's and picked up some Vanilla frosties for us and the kids (who were patiently waiting at home). While we were out, I asked Andrea a very tricky question. I asked her, "What's been the best thing in our marriage?"



It didn't take her long to answer (thank God, or I would have been pretty bummed). She said, "Being known by someone". I had to agree and I can completely relate.



When you realize someone knows you, really knows you, it takes away a lot of fear and anxiety in your relationship. You don't have to worry as much about being misunderstood in what you do or say. You don't have to worry as much about impressing the other person by trying to be someone or something you're not. You can be yourself and that's wonderful, because the other person loves you for being you.



Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give someone the excuse to be lazy and take the other person for granted and no longer work at the relationship, I think it's just the opposite. When you realize your loved and known, you want to work hard, you want to do things and say things that keeps that relationship alive and well.



For some people it's fancy dinners, candlelight evenings for two, a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, etc... And I do get those things occasionally, ok probably not enough. But for Andrea and I it's the little things that matter like cleaning off the table after dinner, emptying the dishwasher, throwing my clothes in the hamper, putting my clothes away, going on power walks through the neighborhood together, buying a card on special occasions and quiet dinners anywhere without the kids.



I've got an awesome wife I know. I'm so lucky we found each other when we did. I'm so glad we know and love each other the way we do. I'm so thankful she loves me and accepts me as I am. The first 12 years have come and gone so fast, they have been great and I expect nothing less from the years to come.



"Tommorrow will come and girl I can't wait...it's our anniversary"

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Being with friends

We had some friends over tonight for diner. Nothing big, just simple dinner and conversation around the dinner table. It was great though. There's something awesome that happens when people get together and share a meal and experiences with each other. I walked away feeling encouraged, uplifted, and energized. What's really interesting though is that our conversation was nothing extraordinary, it was just general stuff about our lives. You know, what we've done where we've been. I think there was just something special, an energy maybe, that was just present while we were together.

You could get all spiritual and say it was because we are all christians and it was the spirit of God in us and all that stuff. And maybe there's some truth to that. But in general, there's just something cool that happens when people get together. I think it's because as humans we were made to be relational.

I like being alone and spending time doing things I like; watching tv, playing xbox, playing on the computer. But when I'm withdrawn into my own private world I'm tired, bored, lifeless. When I'm with friends it's like I come alive, I'm me. I like being around people, being around friends. I need to do it more. I need to make more of an intential effort to be friendlier, be hospitable. I need to spend more time with friends.

Confession...Good for the soul

A friend of mine put up an awesome post today about confession (Check it out).



Confession is hard isn't it. I'm a very private person and the thought of telling people my sins is pretty scary whether they are big or small.



Growing up in a Pentecostal church I was always fearful that during an altar call as the preacher was going around praying and prophesying and knocking people on the floor he would look at me, know my sins and yell them out in the microphone for the whole world to know. Not that I ever saw that happen, but I just knew God was out to get me and if it happened to anybody it would happen to me.



Many times I wished I was Catholic, just so I could sit in some booth and talk to a stranger and tell him all my darkest secrets and hear him say "You're forgiven". But I was sure he'd say something like say ten "Hail Mary's", do something with the Rosary, etc... and I'd be discovered as a Protestant (oh, no!). So I never went and I continued confessing to God alone and while in my mind I believed and understood I was forgiven. Forgiveness took it's time seeping into my heart.



Recently I started meeting with a friend after hearing several people extol the virtues of confession. We share what's going on in our lives, pray, and confess a little. It's hard, but it's good. For that instant my friend represents God for me. He's understanding, not judgmental. He listens, doesn't lecture. He encourages, doesn't reprimand. He forgives, doesn't punish. And I feel better. Lightening doesn't strike me. The world does not stop. And what I thought was so terrible, really wasn't that bad. What I thought was so big, really seems small.



It's humbling, frightening and awkward, but very good for my soul.



I love the quote from my friends blog...



“A man who confesses his
sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with
himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other
person” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer



Pray for me that I will have the courage to continue the discipline of confession. Not only to muddle through it, but to embrace it as God's tool to shape this marred vessel into the masterpiece he desires (Psalm 138:8).



And I encourage everyone to do the same.

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Politics...

Today was the first day Democrats took over the House and Senate in 12 years. Here's a little bit of what they said

Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the new Senate majority leader, “With the opening of the 110th Congress and the beginning of new Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, it’s time to start moving America forward,” he said. “Guided by the spirit of bipartisanship, Democrats are ready to take this country in a new direction.”

Nancy Pelosi, newly elected and first ever woman Speaker of the House said this..."“a new direction that is there for all of the people, not just the privileged few,” a direction that “builds and strengthens the middle class.”

Moving forward...new direction...bipartisanship...

Great ideas, but will they deliver? I don't think so. It's not that I have anything against the Democrats or Republicans for that matter. It's just that I've lost all confidence in our political system and I don't think it works any longer. Politics has become all about finger pointing. Politics has become all about causing division and strife. Politics has become us vs. them. We're right and they're wrong and we're not going to give in, we're going to fight for our beliefs. The sad thing is that two or three main beliefs have hijacked our entire political system and it hasn't benefited anyone except the men and women running for office.

I'll save the rant on Conservative Christians and Right Wing Republicans for another day.

I better shut up before I say something stupid...

In the meantime...I hope our country does move forward and does take a new direction. (And I mean so much more then a stance on the war, or Republican vs. Democrat)

Regular days

Not much has been happening the last couple days that's inspiring me to blog. Just regular stuff going on. It's nice though, the days when life settles a bit for you.



I spent several hours in the car yesterday on a trip for work. I must admit, I love being alone sometimes, especially when you're prepared. I got to listen to several Podcasts I enjoyed. On the way home I listened to worship music. I love singing, worshiping. Even when I'm in the car I'm singing out to the top of my lungs. I wonder what people think when they drive by, see me screaming, face all red, smiling, beaming, glowing. Do they feel God around or has he just invaded my car?



I've been messing around with Firefox 2.0 lately. I got on the 1.0 bandwagon a long time ago, but when IE 7 came out I jumped ship. I'm realizing why I liked Firefox so much again though. One cool thing is that I can now blog from work, through one of the extension add-ons. I'm so happy. I got to see what other add-ons I can get.



Turned in the paperwork for my passport today. We're going on a cruise to the Cayman Islands and Mexico with my friends John and Jamie in the beginning of March. So excited, I can't wait.



Looking forward to more regular days. If anything exciting happens I'll be sure to let you know.

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New Years Expectations

I've never been one to come up with New Years resolutions. They are easy to make, but not so easy to keep. So instead of come up with a bunch of things I want to do this year, I thought it would be a good idea to come up with some general expectations for the New Year. Things I'd like to see happen.



Personal expectations...



In one word, GROWTH, I'd like to see some growth in my life this year in a few key areas. First, with God. I've not been very disciplined in my spiritual habits the past couple of years and I'd like to develop that area of my life a lot more. To help I've started the Divine hours and I listen to the Pray-as-you-go Podcast as I drive to work. If you haven't tried that, I highly recommend. It's very good at directing your prayer time. I need help in that area.



Second, Growth in my relationships with my family. As my kids are growing older and becoming even more independent I don't want us to grow disconnected. With all of our hobbies, gadgets, and toys it's easy for us all to do our own thing. I also want to focus more on me and my wife's relationship. After 12 years of marriage it's easy to take your mate for granted and not work as hard on your marriage as you used to. So I'm hoping to experience some cool things in our family this year as we intentionally try to love each other in new and different ways.



Third, Growth in my relationships with Friends. This year has been an awesome year for me as far as friends go. God has brought some truly wonderful people in my life that have been a great blessing. The biggest relational hurdle for me has always been the gap between acquaintance and friends. I've had many acquittances throughout my life, but few friends. I think it's because I place friendship on some type of pedestal, like marriage or something like it's sacred. Once you offer it [friendship] you're out there. Really your offering yourself. That's a pretty vulnerable position. Will I be accepted? Will I be loved? Will I be understood? Maybe this year I just need to work on being more open, free, and available with my friendship to people. I'm expecting some good things in this area of my life this year and I look forward to getting to know my friends better and being better known by them.



General expectations/predictions....



That the Lions will continue to stink. They will inevitably blow the overall #2 draft pick and Matt Millen will continue his ineptness as Lions President.



That Loyd Carr will still believe spread offenses and passing the ball on first down is a fad that will eventually be replaced by the wishbone/option offense.



That the Tigers will win the world series, Pistons the NBA finals, and Wings the Stanley Cup.



That Xbox 360 will continue to come out with awesome games. Can't wait for Halo 3, or FIFA 08, or Gears of War 2.



That Phil and Jesse will continue to keep me up past my bedtime playing Xbox. That my wife will continue to yell at me..."Stop yelling...we're trying to go asleep". And that I will continue to go through the work day in a foggy haze because of lack of sleep



That Lost (the t.v. show) will finally start answering some questions and start unfolding the plot just a little.



That Jack Bauer will finally use the bathroom (It's been like 4 days).



That Rosie O'Donnell will be kicked off The View and join Star Jones in a daily radio talk show.



That Ford and GM will go Bankrupt as they cooperatively release a 20 passenger SUV that gets a whopping 10 miles per gallon.



That gas cost will rise drop below $2 a gallon.



The W will finally bring home our troops in Iraq.



That Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran) will win the Nobel Peace Prize.



That Mel Gibson will make another movie all in subtitles that we all love.



That Michael Richards and Chris Rock start a comedy tour together.



That Apple will produce 20 more differing variations of the ipod. The ifrig, itoaster, icouch, itv, iphone, icar, etc...



That Microsoft will try and copy everything Apple does.



That HD DVD will beat out Blue Ray as the new Hi-Def DVD format as people still wait for their PS 3's.



That I will finally figure out how to connect my Xbox 360 to my PC. (Yeah right, that will never happen)

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Wounded Healer - Part 5 (The Revolutionary Way)

I should break this post into two separate sections, but I really want to wrap up chapter 1. So I apologize in advance for the long post. There are some really good quotes though, that I just couldn't pass up. Hope you enjoy.

In addition to the mystic way, Nouwen proposes another way for mankind to transcend his/her broken and fragmented life/world. He calls it the revolutionary way.

To summarize, the revolutionary way is a move from passive fatalism to radical activism. The choice for the individual is no longer his/her world or a better world, but no world or new world.

Here's a quote...

"While in the past scarcity led man to revolt, the present-day revolutionary sees the urgent and immediate needs of his suffering fellow man as part of a much greater apocalyptic scene in which the survival of humanity itself is at stake...The life of this man is not ruled by manipulation and supported by weapons, but is ruled by love and supported by new ways of interpersonal communication."

I think we are beginning to see this type of "Revolution" in our world today. Maybe just a peak....we still have a long ways to go. But it is very interesting when you see the movements like One, Amazing Change, World Vision, etc... Organizations and people dedicated to not only
helping their fellow men & women across the globe, but liberating them from the systems, governments, and powers that oppress them.

Nouwen closes out Chapter one by emphasizing that the Christian way is really a combination of the Mystic and Revolutionary ways of life.

"Every real revolutionary is challenged to be a mystic at heart, and he who walks the mystical way is called to unmask the illusory quality of human society...No mystic can prevent himself from becoming a social critic, since in self-reflection he will discover the roots of a sick society. Similarly, no revolutionary can avoid facing his own human condition, since in the midst of his struggle for a new world he will find that he is also fighting his own reactionary fears and false ambitions."

"For the mystic as well as for the revolutionary, life means breaking through the veil covering our human existence and following the vision that has become manifest to us... For a Christian, Jesus is the man in whom it has indeed become manifest...His appearance in our midst has made it undeniably clear that changing the human heart and changing human society are not separate tasks, but are as interconnected as the two beams of the cross... "

Last quote...

"Jesus was a revolutionary, who did not become an extremist, since he did not offer an ideology, but himself. He was also a mystic, who did not use his intimate relationship with God to avoid the social evils of his time, but shocked his milieu to the point of being executed as a rebel"

Are you a mystic or revolutionary? Do you find that you tend to be
more one or the other easier?

As revolutionary, how hard is it to avoid extremism? Do you offer an ideology or yourself? As mystic, how hard is to avoid withdrawal from the world into the inner sanctum of your soul?

Happy New Year!!!

Well the new year has begun and I say it's been off to a great start. Had an awesome time with my family last night bringing it in and had a great time watching football and playing foosball with some friends tonight. I'm really excited for what this new year holds. I'm believing this is going to be a breakthrough year for me.