This is the craziest...

Came accross this while reading "That Hideous Strenght" and thought it was pretty awesome.

Do you place yourself in the obedience, said the Director, in the obedience to Maleldil?

Sir, said Jane, I know nothing of Maleldil. But I place myself in obedience to you.

It is enough for the present, said the Director. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. He is very jealous. He will have you for no one but Himself in the end. But for tonight, it is enough.

This is the craziest business ever I heard of, said Macphee.

I agree with Macphee, God's grace and understanding of us is pretty crazy. I love the thought that God knows the intent of our hearts and basically credits us for more than what we mean or intend.

The Wounded Healer - Part 4 "The Mystical Way"

At the closing part of Chapter 1 Nouwen now moves into ways people can break out of these "cocoons". Nouwen calls these ways "Experimental Transcendence".

The first way Nouwen describes is the "Mystical Way". The mystical way is the inner way, looking inward through meditation/contemplation/prayer. Searching for the connection to the "Unseen", the "Source of being". Trying to move away from the false realities that surround us and towards what is truly real.

To me it's one word - Centered. He's talking about finding your center. Finding the one thing/place/person that is true and real. Life gets you out of balance and out of whack. Life pulls you in so many directions. Life is filled with so many false realities. We need to be pulled back to the center to be reoriented, refocused, and re-energized.

Upon being centered, Nouwen makes a reference to not being certain about past or future, but certain you have a place in the story. I'm also reminded about a book I read by John Elderidge years ago, I think "Sacred Romance" maybe "Wild at Heart". Elderidge talked about understanding in the Grand Story, we are not the lead actors. Truth be told we play small bit parts. When we focus only on the small dramas that make up our lives we lose focus on the much larger narrative. Realizing this world and everything in it is God's, its all by him, for him, and about him. He's the real star of the show. That's helped me find the center when I get out of whack. That brings me back to reality. Acts 17:28 - for in him we live, and move, and have our being.

Here's a great quote from Nouwen regarding this Mystical Way, once someone has reached the center place and transcended all the junk...

"There he comes to the shocking, but at the same time self-evident insight that prayer is not a pious decoration of life, but the breath of human existence."

Wow! That hit home for me. I've always and even to this day viewed prayer as window dressing for the spiritually mature/elite. It's a place I've always wanted to visit, but never been able to venture. It feels like my passports always being revoked. I know I've heard it before and it's not new but prayer needs to be the "breath of [our] human
existence".

Great song along that lines if you haven't heard it - "Breathing the breath" by Matt Redman

Sorry for the long and wandering post.

Traveling on,

Rich

Amazing Grace (The Movie)

I stumbled across the info about this movie and now I'm pretty excited about it coming out. The movie is called Amazing Grace and it opens in theaters on 2/23/07 in the UK. I hope it's going to be released in the US. If not I'll have to check it out on DVD. Anyway here's some info on the movie check it out.

http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/

The Movie is "based on the life of antislavery pioneer William Wilberforce..."who, as a Member of Parliament, navigated the world of 18th Century backroom politics to end the slave trade in the British Empire. John Newton, a confidante of Wilberforce who inspires him to pursue a life of service to humanity. William Pitt the Younger, England's youngest ever Prime Minister at the age of 24, who encourages his friend Wilberforce to take up the fight to outlaw slavery and supports him in his struggles in Parliament." "Elected to the House of Commons at the age of 21, and on his way to a successful political career, Wilberforce, over the course of two decades, took on the English establishment and persuaded those in power to end the inhumane trade of slavery."

The site also has some interesting info about "The Amazing Change" campaign, which focuses on abolishing modern slavery. According to the website there are still over 27 million slaves in the world today. Unbelievable!

My Christmas Present

So I got a new camera for Christmas. It's a Panasonic DMC-FZ7. Now that I have a nice camera I just need to learn how to use it. I'm available for lessons...anybody???

Here are some pics I took with it today.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

Christmas is over. Can we finally relax? I'm heading back to work tomorrow, now I can finally take a break. (Take a look at this picture - see what Christmas did to me. And yes that is some type of food on my face.)

Pictures of the week

What God must feel like

My son and I were travelling in the car today and we had quite the interesting conversation. He has recently come into a large sum of money from a friend of the family ($10) and he is dying to spend it. He had his heart set on buying those $4 xbox games from Burger King. When I refused to allow him to buy the games he became quite upset.

My rational was...Christmas is coming in three days, you don't know what you're getting, wait until after Christmas and you can use your money on whatever you want to by that you still want.

His rational was...I have $10 dollars of my own money, I want to spend it now. In addition he said, "You and mom didn't know I wanted the Burger King games so I know you didn't get them for me".

To which I responded, "Son don't you think your mom and I know you well enough to know what you want without you even asking?" (The truth is we've already bought the game for him... he didn't even have to ask. I wanted to tell him so bad...but he has to wait the payoff on Christmas will be so much better. He'll be so happy, so suprised. He'll have joy and we'll share that joy together.)

Conner: No response...deep thought... "But it's my money and I want it now"

I said, "Son, don't you trust me?"

Conner: "Yes, I trust you...but..."

I said, "If you trust me there's no buts."

Conner: "Yes, I trust you...but..."

I interuppted again

Conner: "Dad you're making me mad"

I said, "You're making me sad, what's worse?"

Conner: Long pause....deep thought...muffled tones.... "being sad"

End of conversation

During my conversation with Conner I had the eeire feeling I've been down this path before. I've heard the same rational, same reasoning except the words were coming out of my mouth directed towards my father.

How many times have I questioned God's goodness? How many times have I wanted things my way, right now and refuse to accept no or wait for an answer? God has tryed to tell me just wait...I've gotter a better plan...and it will cost you much less. He's said, you'll be happy, trust me. I know you better then you think. How many times have I failed to trust him or try to put conditions on my trust? How many times have I ended up frustrated and mad and felt justified, while God was broken hearted and sad. I understand his hurt a little better now. I think he wants to tell me, he wants to spill the beans. But I think he also feels like I did about Conner. One day soon you will experience the joy I have set aside for you and when the right time comes we'll share that joy together.

Long pause...deep thougths...muffled tones...

Sorry Dad for making you sad. Help me to trust you more.

Rich

Christmas Traditions

I had an interesting conversation with someone at work today about Christmas traditions. We were talking about the process of buying presents for our wives (to which I had nothing to say) and he told me what he and his wife do and I thought it was an awesome idea.

Each year he and his wife decide on a theme to buy presents for each other. For example - This years theme was "Gifts that remind us of when we dated". The gift doesn't have to be big or expensive, but simply something that represents the theme. So each year they get their presents and after the kids have gone to bed on Christmas Eve they open them up together. And remember...

I love stories...especially love stories...and I think the retelling of stories is one of the most important things we can do. We need to remember, we need to be reminded of how we met, how we feel, how we loved and how we've grown. We need to tell and retell the story of our love of each other to our kids, friends, family and even ourselves.

I liked the idea so much I might even talk to my wife about adopting the practice in our home. But the whole thing got me thinking about Christmas traditions. We don't have many Christmas traditions in our family. I'm sure there are some other great ones out there like my friends from work.

Does anyone have any special Christmas traditions they could pass along?

P.S. - Andrea I love you and thanks for putting up with my non-Christmas spirit.

Love,

The Grinch (Rich)

Podcast Anyone?

I had to leave really early this morning on a long trip for work. I'm not very awake in the morning so I wanted to try and find something that kept my attention and kept me awake. So I downloaded some podcasts and set off.

I've tried listening to podcasts before, but I've never been able to find ones I enjoyed listening to on a regular basis. One of the problems for me is just the complete breakdown of thought and conversation. Don't get me wrong that can be great when you are enjoying who you're listening to. It's like you eavesdropping on a dinner conversation or something. But at other times I get completely annoyed and hit the fast forward arrow.

Today I found a couple of Podcasts I enjoyed.

The RELEVANT Podcast - from RELEVANT magizine/website.

TWIT - This week in Tech. With one of my favorite Tech experts Leo Laporte, Patrick, Kevin formerly of Tech TV Screen Savers. (I loved that show and was so ticked when G4 bought them out)

The Official Lost Podcast - With the executive producers of my favorite show Lost. The latest podcast answered some viewer questions and gave some hints as to what to expect from the show when it returns from hiatus. (BTW - has anyone watched Daybreak? I have completely boycotted that show in return for delaying LOST)

Mars Hill Bible Church (Grand Rapids, MI) - The podcast are generally sermons from the church from my favorite speaker (Other then my own pastor of course) Rob Bell.

Late addition...

Pray-As-You-G0 - This is about a 15 minute guided prayer involving some contemplative music, scripture reading, thoughts and directions about how to pray. Very awesome. Highly recomened especially if prayer time doesn't come easy.

Does anyone else have any Podcasts they enjoy listening to that they would recomend?

Wounded Healer - Chapter 1 part 2

Still taking my time through chapter one as Nouwen discusses the problems with "Nuclear Man". FYI -I hate the term Nuclear Man. The book was published in the 70's so maybe there was a fixation with Nuclear possibilities (i.e Cold war and everything). Anyway...

In the section searching for a new immortality Nouwen brought up a good point that I had to stop and think on for a while. To summarize he said,

Our sense of immortality is our source of creativity.

What do you think?

Starbuck's on it's way down???

I'm not a huge coffee fan. In fact I just recently started drinking it. Not because of desire, but more out of necessity. (Way to many late nights playing Xbox). My wife on the other hand loves coffee. In fact she is a coffee snob. She won't drink anything, but Starbuck's. Even worse when I want to drink coffee she makes me drink Folgers. She says my taste buds have not developed enough yet to appreciate the likes of Starbuck's coffee therefore it would be wasted on me. Whenever we're out she's always wanting to stop at Starbuck's and get an iced cappuccino or vanilla latte. I've been in a few of the stores and while I haven't developed an appreciation for the coffee I loved the atmosphere of the store. I loved the idea of people sitting around
reading books, newspapers, surfing the net wirelessly on there laptop. I'm a Starbuck's guy at heart or at least would like to be.

I read an interesting article in Time Magazine today talking about the enormous growth Starbuck's has experienced and expects to continue. Right now Starbuck's has 12,440 locations worldwide. Their goal is 40,000, which is even more then McDonalds. The article goes into the
difficulties of maintaining your values as you grow. Studies show that as companies become more complex growth slows. In fact companies lowest in complexity grew 1.7 times as fast as their competitors.

With Starbuck's adding ovens to make hot food, drive throughs so people don't have to get out of their car, syrup dispensers to decrease waiting time in line, all the other things to meet the customers needs, attract more customers and make more money. Are they losing the very essence of what makes them Starbuck's? If there's no room to sit in the store. If it's not as friendly and welcoming, warm and inviting. If it's frantic and hurried rather then relaxing and take your time. Will people continue to come in droves? Will Starbuck's continue to grow or will it become the very thing it hates? Fast Food, Quick Serve restaurant. Will Starbuck's loose it's appeal and uniqueness that made it Starbuck's?

Is simpler better then complex?

Does it come down to the coffee? or the experience?

Great article to read, if you get a chance check it out.

Rules for My Blog

Being relatively new to blogging I thought it might be appropriate to lay down some ground rules for what I will and will not do with this blog.

1. I will always try to be real. Transparent is another word that comes to mind. My view of blogs is that they are almost like this digital diary. A place for people to tell about the side of them people rarely see. I enjoy reading peoples inner thoughts and appreciate it when they are honest about how they feel and think. I think it helps us all to learn how other people struggle through life. At least it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. So I will try to share and talk about those "Dark and Twisty" parts of my life that we all try to sweep under the rug. Partly for therapy, partly because I hope it will help people understand me a little better. Because some times I can tend to be aloof and I have a tendancy to keep people at a distance. Either that or it will really freak them out. Will see how that works. I will not however share the Dark and twisty moments of others. While I have no problem sharing my own flaws and foibles I don't think it's fair or right to discuss other people's problems. Let them start their own blog for that.

2. I will try to be interesting. I really stress try, because what I think is interesting others may not. I love topics of faith, theology, church, books, movies, music, culture, and my family. So I will try to mix up the post. A word of caution though...see rule #3

3. I will try to make you think. This means sometimes I'll post stuff I don't agree with. Sometimes I'll post stuff I don't believe. Sometimes I'll post stuff just to tick people off. But that's ok. It's when our beliefs are challenged and we're forced to look at things from the other side that we learn. We gain a better and fuller perspective. So please spare me the comments like, "You're a heretic", "You've gone of the deep end", "What are they teaching you at that @#$@!! church you attend". Open your mind, challenge yourself, question things, don't believe everything you've been spoon fed in Sunday School.

4. I reserve the right to come up with other rules. I just can't think of anymore right now.

The wounded healer - "Historical dislocation"

I wanted to post some thoughts from the books I'm reading. 1.) So I can remember the meaningful things I've read, 2.) So maybe some interesting discussion will be generated. If you find this interesting let me know.

"The Wounded Healer" by Henri Nouwen - Chapter 1

In chapter 1 of the wounded healer Nouwen paints us a picture of the modern man. Nouwen calls him "Nuclear Man". His definition of the Nuclear Man is someone "that realizes his/her powers hold the potential for self-destruction." He talks about how we have marveled at technology and innovation that has enabled us to produce in one hour, what took people long ago years to create. But our inventions have taken a toll on our world economically, ecologically, etc... Nouwen says "In all this he [nuclear man] suffers from the inevitable knowledge that his time is a time in which it has become possible for man to destroy not only life but also the possibility of re-birth, not only man but also mankind, not only periods of existence but also history itself. For nuclear man the future has become an option."

Armed with this view of life many people develop what Nouwen calls a "Historical dislocation". People no longer connect with the cultural symbols and traditions of family, religion, life in general. Why get married, why focus on a carrier, why invent, why invest in things and institutions that will not last. Only the hear and now holds value.

I love this last quote from Nouwen,

"When we wonder why the language of traditional Christianity has lost its liberating power for nuclear man, we have to realize that most Christian preaching is still based on the presupposition that man sees himself as meaningfully integrated with a history in which God came to us in the past, is living under us in the present, and will come to liberate us in the future. But when man's historical consciousness is broken, the whole message seems like a lecture about the great pioneers to a boy on an acid trip."

Can I relate to Nuclear man? Absolutely! But I still feel this connectedness to past, present, future. Is that because of my faith? or does that and can that develop outside of my faith? Is being connect with history ( symbols, traditions, past, present ,future) an important part of being a Christian?

My weekend

I had a crazy Saturday. Conner had a Basketball game at 8:00am. We had play rehearsal with the kids at 9:00am in Milan. Haylie had a Basketball game at 11:00am. She did awesome. This is her first year playing and she's getting better each game. (I took pictures of Conner, but none of them turned out)

Then we went to my nephew Thomas' 1 year old birthday party in Flint. Isn't he cute? It was great seeing all my cousins. They all have babies now, so it was fun seeing their kids and catching up. We were only able to stay a couple hourse before we drove all the way back to Belleville were my cousin Lauren had a Christmas play.

I know the picture stinks, but it was the best one I took. The lighting stunk and I HATE my camera. The play was wonderful as usual. Belleville COG always puts on great kids plays and it didn't disappoint. I will be honest and admit I wasn't looking forward to going. I think this is the 3rd time I've been back to visit them since I left over 2 years ago. I don't have anything against the church or people it's just that I feel weird going back. I guess I fear the questions about what I'm doing with my life now. Not that I have any regrets or anything. Actually it's just the opposite. Life is great, I've never been happier and I know I'm where God wants me to be. It's just that I feel in someway my answers will disappoint them and I hate letting people down. The question that haunts me, "Do I live up to the image of the person they have of me in their mind". I know that's so stupid...self-centered...pathetic...broken. I'm sure I'm the only one that thinks that way.

Anyway...the night went well, it wasn't too weird. I talked with everyone I knew, in fact my wife had to drag me out of there. I've moved on (still moving on), they've moved on. It was nice seeing how people and things have changed. Change is definitely good. I appreciate everything they did for me and the time I spent there. I hope they feel the same about me. I think they do.

Sunday was much more laid back. We had a Christmas play at our church which I enjoyed. It was awesome seeing how everyone pulled together and pulled it off. Plays take a lot of hard work. Had an awesome lunch at Los Tres Amigos. Then rested at home all day. I wish I had one more day off, I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow. It's 8:00pm and I'm debating about what to do... play Xbox, watch a movie or go to bed? Don't know what I want to do. I'm going to watch a movie.

Dance or Drill

I read something In "That Hideous Strength" today that grabbed my
attention. The Director drops bread crumbs on the floor. He then blows
a whistle to which three mice come scampering across the floor. The
mice quickly gobble up the crumbs. The director then blows the whistle
and the mice scurry away. The Director then says to his guest,

"Humans want crumbs removed; mice are anxious to remove them. It ought never to have been a cause of war. But you see that obedience and rule are more like a dance then a drill - specially between man and woman where the roles are always changing"

Is marriage a dance or drill? How about relationship with God? Does a
lot of it have to do with our attitudes toward equality, obedience,
submission, serving?

Last quote,

"No one has ever told you that obedience - humility - is an
erotic necessity"

What I'm reading

I just picked up two books from the library that I can't wait to dive into. First "That Hideous Strength", by C.S. Lewis. It's the third book in his space trilogy. This is my second attempt at the book. I absolutely loved "Out of the Silent Planet" and "Perelandra", but I tried reading all three in row and halfway through THS I think I was burnt out. So I want to pick up where I left off and finish it.

My Second book is "The Wounded Healer", by Henri Nouwen. I've only read a couple books of his, but each one is short and deep which instantly qualifies him as one of my favorites.

I'm trying to read it slow to allow everything to sink in. Here's a quote from his introduction. The book deals with how to minister to people in our contemporary society.

"After all attempts to articulate the predicament of
modern man, the necissity to articulate the
predicament of the minister himself became
most important. For the minister is called to recognize the sufferings of his time in his own heart and make that
recognition the starting point of his
service. Whether he tries to enter into a dislocated world, relate to a convulsive generation, or speak
to a dying man, his service will not be
perceived as authentic unless it comes from a
heart wounded by the suffering about which he speaks"

Does the suffering taking place in our world wound our hearts or are we unaffected and therefore infective ministers?

Parenthood

I came across an interesting post today about Jay Bakker, son of Jim and Tammy Faye of PTL fame. I guess he's doing a show on the sundance channel about the church he's pastoring in a downtown Atlanta bar. From all appearances what he's doing is really cool. He's reaching out to the outsiders and marginalized in his community with a message of unconditional love and exceptance.

The post talks a little about the show and the little glimpses within the show of Jay's relationship with his parents. Pretty interesting...not surprising...really sad.

It's amazing how parents can do a number on their kids. Whether your christians or non-christians, Televangelists or satanist (sometimes the lines are blurred). As parents we can seriously damage our kids.

In this season of advent, it makes me appreciate the job Mary and Joseph did raising Jesus. They didn't have an easy job, in fact it probably seemed like the whole world was stacked against them. I imagine Mary and Joseph didn't get much support from family and friends. Not to long after Jesus birth they had to high tail it out of Israel to Egypt. Through all their difficulties they found the way to raise the savior of the world. I'm pretty sure they took their calling to parenthood serious. And I'm glad they did.

I'm glad my parents did too. I am so blessed to have two parents, that through their own difficulties found a way to raise me. They weren't perfect, but I remember more good then bad, more positive then negative. I remember feeling loved and safe. They did an awesome job and I hope that I am doing the same with my kids. I love my kids (Haylie and Conner) more then anything and I hope that as I struggle through life's difficulties they will come out unscathed and that their memories of childhood will be as pleasant as mine and they too can look forward to one day being parents.

God have sex with Mary?

Had an awesome time a small group tonight. We talked about Jesus' birth. I hate to say it, but the story seems almost too familiar. When I hear it, I've lost the awe and wonder that should just blow me away. We talked about some good stuff tonight though.

God intimately involved with humanity, did God have sex with Mary? I don't think so, but the imagery and language alludes to that or at least wants us to think in those terms.

God intrusting himself to mankind, making himself vulnerable as a helpless child.

God contrasting his Kingdom with others like Rome. The "Pax Romana" Roman peace through war and forcible submission. Versus the peace of God brought through love and servanthood.

Great stuff.

Rich

Googling myself

What if we measured our significance by google results? I was bored at work today and googled my name. The most popular Rich B. was a hockey player. The second most popular was some guy that does voice recordings for the radio. I don't know how the third or fourth was, but the page my name finally came up was my church's website, I was result #125.

I didn't think that was bad until I typed my wife's name in she came in on result #121. My friend Jesse came in on result #3, my friend Phil result #1. Phil had like 20 results for his name. He's pretty significant.

Insignificant Rich

I want to be a blogger...

Well it's almost been a year since my last post. I honestly thought the site would be gone as I typed in the address. I hoped it would be gone, but it wasn't. It's still here...taunting me as ever.

I want to be a blogger. I want to be like the other bloggers of the world that have important things to say and have people reading their thoughts and leave comments and tell them how smart and funny they are and have great conversation...blah blah blah

But alas, here I sit on my lonely page pounding away at my keyboard.

I will not give up. I will try again. This time with a new strategy. I will tell others of my blog. I will spread the good news of this blog. I will sing the praises of this blog from the highest mountain to the lowest valley. I will comment on other blogs and leave my link. I will do whatever it takes to make my blog, the most successful blog in the universe. My voice will be heard.

Ok - Maybe that's a stretch. But I would like to a least consistently put up some interesting posts and get a few visitors every now and then. So I will attempt to once again start blogging.

To myself (Because I'm the only one who reads this blog) Good luck and Godspeed.

Rich